commitment.

I asked him once, he did not say
I asked him twice, he did not stay
I asked him thrice, he said he'd swayed

commitment is a small word,
with huge implications.

It's like a promise. Commitment.
Commitment is a promise.

Like rings. Rings are promises too.
Only subtler. Not so much a spoken Commitment.

That's why they came up with
promise rings,
engagement rings,
wedding rings.

Am I moving too fast?
Am I leaving him behind?
Am I too eager? Or is he too concerned.
I threw caution to the wind a long time ago.
Maybe I want to be tied down.
Maybe I want to tie him down.

Maybe by saying what hes said,
or not saying what hes said,
says alot.

He wants to commit. But he's afraid.
He's afraid to tell the world he loves me.
He's afraid to love me because of what people will say.
He's afraid to commit to loving me.
That must be it.

I loved alot and lost alot.
I have alot...
but can I? Can I love as much?
Can I trust that such a commitment will work?

when none was made,
at all.

emo thoughts that run through this little girl's head.

This girl still guards that secret. (:

xoxo,
Sarah

feeling important is important.

This girl badly wants to feel important.
She misses that feeling.

It's both there and not there,
all at the same time.

Shrouded in doubt,
love is coloured.

Unsure if she did it right at all.
Should she listen to her ears or her heart?

Her heart failed her once.
Her ears might foil her heart.
But since she's willing to give,
she should do so unreservedly,
shouldn't she?

This girl longs to feel important.
She is feeling important for the moment.
But only for the moment cause,
this moment is fleeting.
She can't grasp it completely because it won't let her.
She doesn't understand this concept,
but she's willing to learn about it.

can she do it?
can she succeed in doing so?
can it make her feel important?
can it make her regain that lost confidence?
can she stand up once again in the brilliance, knowing
that she's the center of his stage, for whom she will only perform...

His stage.

Will he help her, guide her and hold her?
Or will she be left to find her own?

All performers want a stage.
This girl has found one.
She's just unsure if it's really going to be hers.
She wants to work hard to make her dream come true.
Brilliance, flowers, applause and the spectacle.
means nothing to this performer if it isn't him.

Performers want attention.
This girl found someone.
she's just not sure if this someone can give.
can give her the attention she desires.

This girl has too many unresolved questions.
This girl is a performer.
This girl feels that feeling important, is important.

My emo thoughts for the day. (:
This girl is still holding on tightly to her secret.
She loves her secret.

xoxo,
Sarah.

Something special did happen after all...

Someone said something that meant the world to me.

"My quest for love ends with you..."

I wonder if this is really it. (:

Things happen for a reason,
sometimes you might not see it,
sometimes you don't want to see it,
sometimes you simply deny having seen it.

I finally understand that,
what happened has made me come to terms with how I really feel.
I'm willing to do it,
and I'm not scared
nor am I ashamed of doing so.

I only hope that we'll brave everything together, holding hands.
You will, won't you??

This silly girl is still guarding her lovely secret.

xoxo,
Sarah

Ambiguous.

Finds that ambiguity is good and bad all at the same time.
Sometimes it clarifies things,
sometimes it mystifies things.
Sometimes it draws things closers,
sometimes it draws things apart.

Ambivalence towards such ambiguity.
Really. (:

This girl is still guarding her little secret.

xoxo,
Sarah

Good things do happen.

I'm convinced that good things do happen.
seek and you shall find.

Something good happened for me yesterday.
I'd like to share that joy. (:

This girl is still seeking to protect whats hers.
Her little secret.

xoxo,
Sarah

Changes (:

I'm back from the states.
started a new term.

Celebrated a couple of birthdays,
watched a number of good shows
and hung out with loads of great friends.

Everything seems pretty constant.

But, not everything is.

I've also been through a breakup
realised that I have a medical condition
and learnt what family means.

Someone important told me this story;
too lengthy for me to retell.
But in essense it taught me one thing.
"It could be good, it could be bad."

The number of things that I came back to, all saw changes.
Even my dog changed.
Even the estate I lived in changed.
Habits changed, people changed.

Actually, people who should never change,
whereas those who shouldn't, have.

Despite these changes that I seldom adapt well too,
I came out with 2 invaluable things.

Priceless friends and a valuable secret.
Some things are just worth giving everything up for.

This isn't meant to be a sad entry of sorts.
In fact, I'm pretty pleased with what's happened so far.

I'm going to work hard to achieve something,
for myself,
my family and my *secret.

*secret - in reference to a pact.

This girl knows that this secret is worth fighting to protect.
This secret means the world to her.
This secret is what will drive her.

xoxo,
Sarah.