On my flight to being a second class citizen.

I got a sunflower.
for him.
I got a lot love.
for him.
I'm really happy to do a lot.
for him.

But where do I stand?
Next to him?
Behind him?

A second class citizen.
A skeleton in his closet.
Only to be thrown out
during the next spring clean.
Oh. which will be soon.
When he leaves again.
for good.

He will open up his closet,
toss out the skeleton,
for a newer one.
Pack up his clothes and leave.
And my closet will be empty.
Because I won't realise everything is missing,
everything has been left behind,
during the last plane flight to nowhere.

Omg. I've been feeling oh-so-emo again.
sigh.

This stupid girl made some stupid choices and fears her secret may be lost.

xoxo,
Sarah.

wonders.

wonders about the wonders of love.
wonders if she's done the right thing.
wonders if she's really happy.
wonders should she be not?

wonders if he wondered about her today.
wonders if he wondered about her as he left that night.
He's left. a month already. but isn't that just right...?
for you to start all over?
only
for you to ask...
with or without him?

If you leave, he'll be lonely.
But he's leaving again.
When will he be back? Will he be back?
Will he come back this time?

You wanted to leave that night.
Girl, was that really what you wanted?
He doesn't quite want you around.
or does he?
You can't figure him out, can you?
I can't say no (to him), can I?


It's not meant to be emo.
but i think it came out emo again.
rawrr.

Emo thoughts fill this girl's head as she holds on to that secret.

xoxo,
Sarah.

love.

wonders if loving someone works for her at all.
Sometimes... it may be better to be with someone who loves you more than you love him.
It's not so tiring that way.

She went to sleep pondering so many things.
In fact she was asleep when he called her.
And she woke up to keep him company,
because she'd never be too tired to hear his voice.

Then he decided that he wanted to go to sleep.
Well. Actually, that didn't make her feel too bad.

Until she watched something on the telly.
This girl's ruminations got the better of her.
She watched
this guy (who had an illness) breakup with the girl he loved.
Its not that he broke up with the girl cause he didn't love her.
He wanted to protect her, he wanted her to move on.
Without him.
But this breakup was initiated in the most abominable fashion.
He held an engagement party and made her dress up,
just to humiliate her saying he couldn't marry her
since it was all the idea of another woman whom he'd loved more.
That woman, a childhood friend of his,he best friend, his accomplice.
The guy flung the intended engagement ring into the pool.
The stupid girl jumped into the pool after the ring.

Am I, not that stupid girl?
Am I, not that stupid girl that jumped in,
to hold on to whatever was left?
He didn't even shed a tear.

So maybe the mechanics have changed after all.
So maybe you're just a backup on his shelf.

But maybe he does love you.
Maybe he'll tell you.

but, I don't want him to tell me,
I want him to show it to me,
I want to feel it.

But maybe I'll be gone before it happens.


sigh. another emo post.
rawr.

This girl's secret is out.

xoxo,
Sarah.