Priorities.

Has all her priorities wrong.

because of you.

Has all her thoughts in disarray

because of you.

Has never felt so much anger

because of you.

Has never wanted so badly to hate

because of you.

Has never wanted to do something like that so badly

because of you.

Because of you,

I don't know what to do anymore.

It's messing up.

messing up my life.

There couldn't be a better time for a coma.

so that everything would just pause here.

The pain, the losses, the pain.

It doesn't stop. It will only pause.

In contemplation.

Before it proceeds again.

The house.

I've been reserving a place for someone.
Oft been chastised for it.

People want to move in.
But if the tenant doesn't leave...
the house isn't empty.
Perhaps an eviction notice?

Someone told me...
that if someone he knew where in my shoes,
he'd put up a seizure on the place.
but...

Not everyone has that courage.
Not everyone has the tenacity
Not everyone has the determination.
Not everyone has the ability to let go.

Perhaps
the house ought to be demolished.
Maybe
the house should shelter vagabonds.
that come to spend the night and leave before the sun rises.

Because the house isn't good enough for its tenants.

Like people from two different worlds.

Spoken but not heard.

You're only cared for as much as you're important to others.

That's a stupid thought. But no points for guessing...
It's been bugging me so much, I'm even blogging about it.

I'm going crazy because a myraid of thoughts plague me.
From the time I wake up until the time i actually fall asleep.
It floats around.
The crazy recesses that my mind takes off...
the 16 hours I'm awake in a day...
it still plagues me.
And I only fall asleep because I'm fatigued.

exhausted.
I should be happy that its the end...
of yet another rollercoaster emotional bumpy ride.
That it'll give me peace of mind.
But being the masochist that I am. I want seconds.
Because the thrill of being on that ride...
far outweigh its cathartic moments.

Hell. Why the rollercoaster anyway?
I don't even ride it. But that's what friendships are like.

Someone told me before.
For every friend that walks away,
you'll have someone else walking into your life.
Why cut yourself up over it?

The answer, I've learnt, is simple.
Some people overestimate their importance to others.
Whilst some underestimate their importance to others.
when overestimates and underestimates collide...
letting go becomes difficult.

I've learnt that
no matter how much you want to think somone is irreplaceable,
it's not true.
Others can and will replace you.