What's important to you?

Today has lent me an additional realization as to who claims to be there for you, doesn't mean the person will be.

Someone once offered me unconditional help with my work. 

When I contemplated taking up the offer albeit teasingly, he decided he had just finished his exams and wasn't up for helping me with research. But I didn't take offense because it's my work for a reason, I don't expect him to really & I shouldn't get him to help me.

Today,my taiwanese idol, Wilber Pan is in Singapore and there's a meet and greet session. I'd give anything to be there. Knowing that full well, my friend has offered to plough through my work with me, just so I can reach my deadline for the day and scurry off to meet my idol with me. I never even asked for his help. He too has just finished exams & is just out of hospital. Probably has more things on his mind than computer games and iron man.

Friends that know you, know what some if these prepubescent crushes mean to you.

These are the friends that remind you that being a social butterfly isn't all that bad, because they're aren't just here in the high times, but will look you up even if your stuff really isn't a matter of life and death.

Thank you kind friend.(:

By the way, I was also invited to another concert event today; to see Psy. Yes while tantalizing, the invitation was hardly a proper one. The person shows you 2 tickets (via whatsapp) and you're supposed to assume that you've been invited...? Especially with the person's track record of flaunting his social life in your face & his multiple "you-should-be-honored-by-my-presence-because-I-have-no-lack-of-suitors/company" quips.

The arrogance in the latter invitation is too high, too uncomfortable, too unreal. Perhaps when you're human & feeling again the vibe you give off might be different.

Nothing beats the good ol' down-to-earth company of old friends.

Choices.

Sounds to me like tonight you guys have chosen her over me.

I hope that in the long run, she'll make a good sister-in-law and treat you better than your daughter has.

And by the way, I'm not sure if she's faking it cause you guys are useful to her now, but be careful she doesn't break your things and not apologize either.

For all the inconvenience you've caused in my life, the shit you've stirred in my household and the tears you've caused me tonight. Karma will get you and it won't be pretty.

Stupid witch. )':

Forget me.

Just as you have your down times,
I have mine too.

As you have made conscious choices to decide who to keep in your life,
I have chosen too.

As you have busy moments,
I have mine too.

I don't like the inconsistency of
your "care", your "concern", your "affections".

We are no long priorities in either parties' lives.
I've come to that realization and am beginning to embrace that acceptance.

You needn't feel too bad about not getting any replies from me.
For they will be few and far between.
Perhaps one day, there might not even be any anymore.

Does it matter?
People change, people move on.

In this instance,
I'm keeping everything together,
determined to keep you out of my life.

Don't make yourself miserable clinging on tightly to our yesterday in the hopes of making it our tomorrow when in fact there is none of us today.

The unnerving inconsistencies confuse,
when in fact right now, I'm looking to soothe, heal and recover.

You're precisely right in having difficulty forgetting,
but have you really forgiven?

I know at some points, especially in more recent times,
I find myself still grappling with the fact that

especially with no apology,
I still find it hard to forgive you.

I need stability that perhaps you never had & never will (not now at least) will bring to me.
An assurance, that I won't be compared to and chastised for standards I cannot keep.

Until then, maybe, boring might be the next best thing for me.
At least boring keeps me safe.

Until everything sorts itself out,
I'm just resigned to my 11:11.

Stressed, tired, unwell.

Tonight's an icky night. Tomorrow's mu big day & there's so much work to do & I've gotta be down.

Nosebleed, migraine & a bad throat.
Bleargh. Not to mention the bloaty tummy. I feel like I need a day off to rest my heavy head.

Had a reasonably good day if not for the bug. Could be better but I can't complain.

Just tweeting when I noticed this post that got me thinking.

Oh well... Tooooooo much negativity I often joke. Tonight that rings true.
Boy oh boy.

When it doesn't rain, it pours.
The need to self-soothe? yes.
The wish for others to soothe? Oh yes please - tyvm.

Perhaps tonight is just like last night. Only worse. ^^

Ironically, the person called to care, but his actions thereafter only served to reinforce my opinion of him. Sigh.
- yes in game repairs are expensive.
Well, at least I've learnt that with some pf these moments, you just can't pause and replay.

Suppose that's why I fancied this before. But not anymore, tonight someone else put his things on hold for me, because I suppose if he needed me, I'd be there for him too in the way that you couldn't or wouldn't be there for me tonight.

My secret to success.

Even when I'm out with friends, at 11:11, I still do... Think of you.

It's nothing to do with having people around that I don't pick up.

I'm not sure I won't cave in at the sound of your voice. I'm not certain that my guard will stay up.

I am trying very hard, some days I'm better and stronger than others, some days I just crack.

Most of the times that I'm better, is when I'm not alone, actively thinking of what once was us.

You wanted to know how I did it...?
There's no secret. But despite all of that...
The lifestyle doesn't always mask the pain. It wears you down, makes you tired. But at least in the moment, you might, if lucky experience some fleeting happiness that passes when the moment ends.

Despite all of this, you're right.
It isn't fair to you, or me, or any of us.
Which is why, I'm still actively trying to let go. Even if I don't profess to being good at it, I'm trying.

I don't actively tell you how much you mean to me or that I still care.
These kinda things sway people's feelings.

I'm just another onlooker from afar on your life. A life that I'm resigned never to be a part of again.

This is really how I feel about the whole saga.