XxMy pretty worldxX

Some daytime musings that allowed me to sort out my muddled preoccupations:

Sometimes, you try so hard to make someone feel special that you lose track of your own need to feel special. Having recently come out of a 3 year relationship, I couldn't be more glad to say it's over.
It ended with a bang for blackmail, a potential lawsuit among other traumas.

But all that's done and dusted.

What I really want to focus on, is the good that's come out of it.

I went out on one of my much needed pampering with some close friends. My lunch with a girlfriend who usually has so much to tell me, was different. Because she stopped to listen to me and that lunch was about me and well, my own issues.

This lunch was succeeded by an interesting movie with another friend. We caught warm bodies. Possibly one of the more gruesome shows I've caught in awhile. Likely cause I wasn't the most into love at the moment (resolved to stay away from it for awhile), and in part because I was hoping for comedy and the trailer seemed promising.

This friend has been very supportive, since I got my laptop (which I genuinely had trouble putting together for lack of a CD tray & a whole new interface I wasn't familiar with), and he's been helping me and guiding me through it step-by-step. It takes hours really, largely because I'm AFK, or because I have phones ringing off the hook, distraught parents looking to speak with me, or even a massively concerned girlfriend who swings by at 1am, even for 10 mins.

What I thought commendable was the fact that this friend took the trouble to find an old (ridiculously obscure) version of a software I needed just because I wanted it in my PC, but I didn't have the disc drive to use my original software. That would take time right? It doesn't help that having found that link, I couldn't open the auto-download page either, so my friend downloaded the software for me so that it could be sent to me on dropbox. When I accepted the dropbox link, I was instructed to download all the files... and I was like: "All...? There's more than one...? " Indeed. There were 172 files.

I found that strangely commendable because it's been awhile since someone has done something for me without either making me feel bad for it (but I guess I feel a little guilty regardless) or seeking affirmation that the action has made me happy. I guess it's the fact that someone goes out of the way to do something for you, like popping by at 1am to offer you a hug and a shoulder to cry on, even if only for a couple of minutes.

These were the small things that mattered to me, the small things that made me happy, that made me feel special.

I reasoned with another girlfriend I met for dinner that same day, and we both agreed that it would be good to be made to feel valued, to feel special in a relationship because we want to know that we're important to the other party. But if that other party is able to make everyone else feel special too, then perhaps, the treatment you receive isn't that unique to you, isn't that special to you anymore (not to say the actions or efforts aren't important).

These small things like girlfriends offering to buy you dinners, is a throwback to the cliche "it's the thought that counts" because "I really can buy my own coffee. Thank you very much", I often proffer.

But right now, as with most freshly broken hearts, we pander to the concerns and affections of the near and dear, waiting to plaster us with the attention and love that we deserve to put our lives back in order. Until then, I can live with him buying me bubble tea, her bringing me crackers, another daring me to take up the whim of escaping to some exotic island with hunks or even the warm embraces of the many in my life trying to assure me that I'm not alone through this period.

It might not add up now, but it all will when I get better.
Instead of being made to feel inferior to others, these people love and care for me as I am, without trying to change the silly nuances of me and perhaps, people like that, deserve to see the best of me.

Having wiped the tears on the t-shirts of my loved ones,
I will reach for the stars & climb every mountain higher because after yet another betrayal, I've still got real people in my life to catch me, hold me, and tell me:
"I've got your back."
"We love you."
"I'm on your side."
"I'll come over now if you like - let me shower first."
"I'll be here for you, because I know you need someone."
"You're not alone in this."
"Feeling better?"
"Stay strong & hang in there!"

Thank you to all my loved ones, dearest friends and even those friends whom I haven't spoke to much, but have taken active steps to seek me out, encourage me and throw phone numbers at me so that I have "helplines" to call or text. For all these, word probably aren't enough to express my heartfelt gratitude. ♥