She wants it fast, she wants it slow.
She doesn't know what she wants.
She's a bundle of walking contradictions.
But you see. This is what he treasures about her.
It's a little different.
He is different.
He's not the conventional type of guy.
He's not the type that goes all out to please.
He's just there. He cares.
In that sense, the stability she so craves, it's there.
Maybe this time... someone might really care for her.
Maybe this time... things might really work.
Hopefully wounds will heal quickly,
decisions can be made quickly...
she doesn't like the uncertainty this is bringing.
she doesn't like not knowing.
she wants to know this is real.
everything she's getting now, its so surreal.
She wants to know this will last.
She's not comfortable with so many things.
But you see, she's trying within her own limits...
to learn and change.
but what if she,
despite her changes,
still isn't good enough?
what if he bails on her?
what if things change...?
what if she can't meet him halfway...
no matter how hard she tries?
what if she just isn't that type of girl?
She doesn't want to say yes.
so that things will change tomorrow.
she wants everything to stabilise, normalise.
She wants to know what being in a relationship with him will be like.
But she's scared of what rushing into one entails.
She can't say she's not affected at all by what people think.
After all,
it's the people who love her...
who have encouraged her...
to take a leap of faith.
So she's selfish enough to ask him to wait for her. again.
she's worried that he can't.
she's worried that he won't.
These are irrational thoughts that bite at her.
But now that he knows how she feels,
he's promised to be there for her.
He always tells her...
he's not going to make her promises that he can't keep.
so she knows he intends to keep that promise to her.
but she lacks the encouragement to leave that shell behind.
Because where she is now,
there's a lot less fear, she can't be abandoned.
But she just needs to know that he won't leave her when she needs him most.
Right now, she knows he's not going anywhere.
She just needs to know if forever will last.
Especially since he's once told her that he's not sure about forever.
But he's trying.
He told her that forever doesn't sound that hard if its with her.
Even if it wasn't true, she bought it.
Lock, stock and barrel.
she's a sucker for such promises.
She's got faith that if he doesn't bail on her,
she's not going anywhere.
she just needs to trust that he won't change on her too.
she's just hoping that the next few months...
will make everything all right.
She cares a lot more than she ever shows it anyway.
Showing it has always been the problem.
Always is, always has been.
Maybe that's why people misunderstand her.
She can only hope he knows her well enough...
to trust where they're going with all this.
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