My secret to success.

Even when I'm out with friends, at 11:11, I still do... Think of you.

It's nothing to do with having people around that I don't pick up.

I'm not sure I won't cave in at the sound of your voice. I'm not certain that my guard will stay up.

I am trying very hard, some days I'm better and stronger than others, some days I just crack.

Most of the times that I'm better, is when I'm not alone, actively thinking of what once was us.

You wanted to know how I did it...?
There's no secret. But despite all of that...
The lifestyle doesn't always mask the pain. It wears you down, makes you tired. But at least in the moment, you might, if lucky experience some fleeting happiness that passes when the moment ends.

Despite all of this, you're right.
It isn't fair to you, or me, or any of us.
Which is why, I'm still actively trying to let go. Even if I don't profess to being good at it, I'm trying.

I don't actively tell you how much you mean to me or that I still care.
These kinda things sway people's feelings.

I'm just another onlooker from afar on your life. A life that I'm resigned never to be a part of again.

This is really how I feel about the whole saga.