Words he used to say.

 

Was listening on the radio when this song came up and it brought back a lot of memories of things he used to tell me.

Interestingly enough, I can almost imagine him echoing the lyrics of the song every time we fought back then.

Not sure if that's because we fought a little too much, a little too often or really because these thoughts still linger.

But really, that's all in the past - it's definitely not that he feels the same way he did back then.
Right now, I'm certain we're both doing much better without each other.

 

A little effort.

It really doesn't take much to know.

The texts, the asking afters, the going out of his way & the little things he notices about me. Even when he tells me what he gets up to, it's probably to keep me in the know, so I know he didn't bail on me to do something else that could wait.

Only that, not once has he pointed out that I've inconvenienced him, or that he's gone out of his way, for me.

Suppose I knew. Then what...?

One advised me to enjoy courtship. It comes but once in a long while.

Another advised me to milk it for its worth. A tad too unethical for me.

Yet another encouraged me to put on the green light as a ticket to starting afresh.

A little effort.
Just a little more to convince me that what I'm doing might just be right.

11:11

11:11.
Enough said.

The time-turner.

"Flow not the sands of a humbled clock,
for time lost cannot be regained."

The person I've held dear for so long, reached out to me, but I backed away, both in fear and agony.

Perhaps it's for the better, because I know I will succumb to the comforting folds of his voice, the softness of his embrace and the painful throes of our pained contact.

I'm just hoping and wishing the best from afar because that's where I feel slightly safer, less vulnerable. My life, is a choice I'm making & I stand by the decisions I've made yesterday (good or otherwise) for today & the decisions I make today, for tomorrow.

Just as an agreement to sever all contact, was made, it should be abided as wills oft are reviewed, rewritten, in lieu of changed hearts.

My heart hasn't changed, but as with circumstances, grown cold, but not bitter, not resentful.
It doesn't despise. It still loves.
It doesn't move on, it still pines.
It doesn't remain hopeful though.

Because all it took, was one night to convey the understanding of how wrong I was in my misplaced faith, exchanged for with...

The threat that I will never want to look back upon.

Missing.

What happens when you miss someone so much that you wanna call.

But know you shouldn't, know you can't.

When someone else asks you why not someone else, you say... Just because it isn't him.

When someone else caresses you, you remind yourself carelessly... It isn't him.

Oh. Dear. Girl. Why so silly? Especially when you know he doesn't love you, he's never cared...?

Because simply... It's him.
That's what I loved about it.

It was him.
But he never believed it.

Little encouragements.♥

Today something went right for me.
PTL - for my faith has been rewarded. <3

Besides that, were little texts of encouragement that saw me through my tough day.

Little texts that made sure meals were timely, or of nutritional value. Little texts that showed interest or genuine concern on the outcomes of such a harrowing decision.

For people in my life who have stood by me, thank you. For those who have sent me little congratulatory wishes, also thank you. For those who are happier for me than I am for me, also, thank you for you.

... And my family and the tough times and support I'll be needing, thank you... In advance.

When I get there, I'll thank you all again properly. ♥

A mixed bag. ♥

Should be nothing, but yet there's something.

Should be anything, but yet it's everything.

The smallest gestures. Alas!

It's the smallest gestures that make you tear, smile and feel confused inside.