I thought he might♥

Perhaps I'm being silly.
Perhaps I should know better.

I'm not really sure what made me feel like he would have called back. Is it just me...?

I supposed I'd never know... But I haven't the courage... To break another earnest plea... For me to leave him alone so he may recover better and faster.

Having shared my innermost thoughts upon his request, I feel ashamed of having asked... Of having asked him to ask that I stay - how could he. Stupid selfish me.

It's not like he didn't know or wouldn't know how it'd have hurt me to ask... It's not like I didn't know what it would cost him; how it would hurt him to say no.

But deep down inside, I'm still the silly, fragile me. Scared and hoping for him to realise that I need to be protected just as much as he does. But... On the outside... I'm pretending to be a failing facade of strength... Something i've never been.

I in all my silliness, wish that it would have been me instead of his mummy lying in the ICU. Because only maybe, would he be able to get past himself just to hold my hand again for that one night. Just to be by my side, unrestrained because of whatever is holding us both back.

I'm just so silly... The things I do to push myself... Just to hear his voice, just to keep my sanity...

I can't wait for me to leave. That way I'll never be a burden to him again.

#sillythoughtsrifeinahelplessmind