Long night ♥

The long night punctuated with unwanted silences and painful facades of concern and happiness.

Decisions have been made, only short of following through with some actions.
I'm not particularly prepared for such an upheaval. But it's a necessity.

Nonetheless, I am frightened & I wish I needn't have to deal with any of this; much less alone.

On the upside, I'm thinking of actually bailing on graduation day. It doesn't hold as much meaning for me as I thought it would. Besides, it just wouldn't be the same... Well... As I had always imagined. Such things are only... Once a lifetime... And you can't turn back the clock for a second shot at photos later.

I did so much wish to have at least one...
Maybe that's why I guess, it'll be better not to go at all, so that I won't have to look back wistfully & lament the particular absence.

Tonight's another painful night, made worse by all the things I fear most...
And the thought... That after tomorrow, I would have sold out. I wouldn't be me. Betraying me for something I never thought I'd stoop to.

#suffocatedbyguilt&fear