he was every good done for me.

I've been away from the lures of the internet and facebook because I haven't been well. 

Two whole days of rest, but the tremors have yet to subside. 

Maybe this reminds me why ventolin isn't good for me.

It mightn't be an allergic reaction, but clearly the use of my hands for writing, 

typing is difficult to say the least if not impossible.

But my urge to write currently supersedes the pain, stiffness and overall discomfort. 

The pains haven't subsided much, but the painkillers help me cope.

I'm  undecided as to filling myself with resentment over what has transpired.

Closer friends would otherwise know or care. But in recent times, those are far and few between.

Simply put: I don't think anyone knows. 

Some might argue on the contrary that people won't know you need them till you reach out.

But I argue that between friends, you just care. Even if you can't reach out.

To be fair, I tried to reach out to someone, but was turned away.

A best friend of sorts, because the person wasn't "dressed for the occasion".

The occasion I speak of, was to accompany a friend, who was feeling faint, to the doctor.

It doesn't matter because I still love my friends, perhaps the person was busy,

perhaps the context of the illness wasn't put forth.

It doesn't matter. None of this does.

Someone told me "you could have ended this shit a long time ago,

but you wanted to drag it out. You didn't want to abandon him.

Well, look where it got you."

I want to say, I don't regret staying on. 

Genuine care and concern doesn't count. Love doesn't count.

As I have given him, he has given no less.

Let's all give him the benefit of doubt and say he's leaving cause I won't.

He's leaving to protect me. so the friend smirks.

"I'm deluded" he says, besides me "thinks he was never any good".

But despite this, I'd tell this friend, this him, this mine, that he was every good done for me.

Despite this said, I've put everything in a box, away for good.

            

               - ineedtorestrecoverandrecuperatejustlikehedoes.

Hopefully when I next open that box, the wounds would be healed nice and pretty & ready to start over again. Take it that I'm just taking a well deserved break from all of this. Take it that I'm done caring. Take it whichever way is palatable to you. 

But nothing changes the fact that I still love him from the bottom of my heart & I always will.

To the who have tried to offer hugs and support, I appreciate it. To that one special person who tried to take me to see the doctor after what had happened, I also deeply appreciate your concern. - that said, I cannot undo what you've tried so hard to do thus far and I can only hope for your speediest recovery. I will keep you and your loved one in my nightly prayers.