learn.

perhaps this is all you're getting.
isn't that enough?
Have you not yet learnt?

Isn't it better than late nights,
screaming down the line,
tears, blaming and faulting?

Perhaps there's less excitement,
perhaps there's less passion.
Perhaps you don't feel the same way.

But it's a much safer, less hectic decision to make.

This decision doesn't blame. It encompasses.
When it doesn't get replies. It understands.
When it doesn't get responses it seeks. It cares.
It's more concern than it is paranoia.

How do I not consider that this might be a lot less simpler?
Is this what I'm looking for?
Is this what I could perhaps try, try to learn to love.

Even if not now, not tomorrow.
But if only I give it time,
I could learn to give back what he has given me today.

Only now I need to learn to put down what I'm still holding on to,
yesterday.

I thought of this in relation to an incident that happened yesterday and I asked myself.
What would he have done?
One would yell at me, send me nasty angry text messages, badgering me to pick up - almost accusatory with an entitlement mentality.
One would patiently wait for replies, perhaps urging a reply with an interim text - almost concerned that something might have happened, but never prying more than he should.
What would you go with? Patience? or Anger?

One of my biggest grouses in recent times is the lack of privacy and the lack of respect offer unto me by unsuspecting parties. Be it the invasion of my personal spaces by "stalking" behaviour or even resorting to reading my private messages. Private messages "popped up" but the reasonable man would close them, not read them for 5 minutes before doing so. But again, this reinforces why I cannot live with someone like that.

If we were close enough friends, I would have told him about my mixed bag of feelings.
But I reasoned that I don't owe him any explanations; as much as I feel a certain way, it's just not going to happen that way. I'm hanging out with who I like, when I like, simply because I'm entitled to. I would do that even if they were female. Only difference is that this someone seems to like me, seems to value me.

Almost in the ways I'd hope for, but you hardly did. I've said this once and I'll say it again:
"If you cannot stand watching how I choose to spend my life and with whom I've chosen to go out with, then by all means, leave.
Because I do not want the negativity to affect my feelings towards the people in my life.
Least of all, is that negativity going to encourage me to look upon you favourably and want you back in my life to fill that giant void."

As much as I need to learn, I think he needs to learn to let go, learn to walk away.