Never thought.

I'd never thought that things would turn out this way.
Things have reached a point of no return
and I'm frankly too frayed, too tired to care anymore.
I'd kept chasing him away in the hopes of being able to recover.
Simply because I can't get past the hurdle that was, that used to be us.
Each time he approaches, he makes things very difficult for me,
such that at some points, I'd much prefer if he didn't approach at all.

I used to love the fact that he cared.
If he were a good, then that would most likely have been his selling point.
"He loves me", I'd often chirp to my friends and family.
I don't know when I stopped believing.
I stopped trusting. I started doubting.
With no help from the input of my peers,
I built up a wall so thick.

All these, just to protect me from him.
fear is a learned response.
I've chased him out because he scares me.
He's unpredictable and that's what I don't like.
Too complicated and complicated is dangerous.
Being friends with someone like that is tough.
Because you can't love them, you can't be with them.

It's safer and wiser to "not like him".
But, last night it went into hate.
I never thought I'd use this word.
Least of all on him.
I don't like how he toys with my feelings,
Strings me along & hangs me out to dry.
We don't deserve any of this.

We don't deserve each other.
We deserve space.
We deserve time.
We deserve to heal.
We deserve the right to our own choices.
We deserve the outcomes that follow.
Most of all, we deserve to be treated like we deserve.

After all, it was apparent last night that he only got close to me
to impress upon me his viewpoints and to still defend the honour
of what he apparently feels is more important. Everyone else.
If he cannot even respect me as a human being,
he's never going to respect me (my needs/wants) for who I am.
Because of that I made the decision, and resolved to cut off all contact and
not have anything to do with this person I once thought was family.